Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Coming out of Survival Mode

Just some encouragement I would like to share, bare with me and I am going to start at the very grim beginning!! I am not wanting anyone feeling sorry for me, I am simply wanting to show where God brought me from. Time flies believe it or not, I can remember summer breaks while in elementary school and even middle school where the days seemed to drag on and on. It was so hot and of course we thought we had nothing to do!! Now I am 31 and have three babies of my own. If you had ask me 3 years ago if I thought I was going to make it with my sanity intact I probably would have said no! The twins were one and the baby brand new. Baiscally the last four years are a total blur except for main events like birthday and Christmas, anything else there is not much chance I could remember. My Spiritual life was experiencing near starvation and I could see no light at the end of the tunnel. I was sure God and Jesus had forgotten where I was, not becuase of them but because I had no strength left to even visit with Them, or so I thought. I would have melt downs about once a week and Chad would just reassure me that things would get better and it wasn't always going to be like this. He was such a stable force most of the time just holding me up becuase I couldn't do it myself. I also struggled terribly with post partum depression, some days just breathing hurt and took more than I thought I could do much less take care of three children who were totally dependent upon me. Other than my mother and mother in law I was totally by myself. They did a wonderful job when they could, mom worked and my mother in law is a pastor's wife which meant a lot of traveling. Don't get me wrong they helped out an enormous amount, if it had not been for them I would not have made it and would have probably suffered a nervous break down. Some days I could barely breathe, trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel was impossible. I drifted further from God and further from family and friends. I dreaded having to talk to anyone. I look back now and can see where the devil took advantage of my situation. Had I have known what was going on, suffering from depression and not allowing the Lord to carry me, I see the mistakes I made. Dont get me wrong, even if I had maintained my relationship with the Lord I know it still would have been a heavy load, just not as heavy. Now let's fast forward a few years as I sit here at my computer I want to be able to help anyone that I can. The Lord allowed me to go through the last four years and I am not going to keep it to myself, I went through it, I survived and I am stronger today because of it. I am a MOM!! I missed so much of the girls early growing up because I did not know what I should be doing or could be doing that would make life so much easier. Everyday was just the same do whatever it takes to survive until they go to bed. That is no way to live but I didn't know any other way to live! The fact is unless you have multiple children at one time no one can understand what you are going through. And then I went and got pregnant when they were six months old!! Which turned out to be the best blessing of my life, as all my children are. A year or so ago I started pleading with the Lord to please help me, I would do anything if I could just stop living like that. So of course my loving Saviour looked down on me and began to work in my clay, I had finally reached the bottom and knew I couldn't do it myself. I had been trying to raise my children by myself. When you finally fall on the rock or the rock falls on you and you realize that you need Him, He will meet you. I do regret that I have missed out on the last few years but I know the Lord is good and I can enjoy the rest of the years. So my encouragment to any mom would be that you can do it, it's going to be hard and you are going to be totally exhausted most of the time but let the Lord help you and keep you!! I praise the Lord for His wonderful mercy and strength.Now my goal is to make the best of the years I have left with my girls, they grow up and leave way to fast! As Sis Peach says "Jesus will help you....If you let Him"

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Emma's Funny Sayings

Monkey says some of the funniest things and what makes them so funny is most of the time she is talking in a monotone voice!! I was getting on to all three of them last night for not going to bed and having to get on to them so much about going to sleep.... So I said "Girls this is ridiculous that you will not go to sleep." Monkey says "Mom this is not dickerlous" she pauses, deep sigh and then says to herself "urrggghhh I am not even saying it right".... I had to exit the room so I could laugh.
Before that we had gone to Whataburger, much to my dismay, after church. We were sitting in a booth and I was trying to explain to the girls how they should sit properly in a skirt since they are "little ladies." Monkey without even looking at me says "Mom no we are not"!!! I could go on and on about all the funny things she says, I wish I could wear a recorder to catch them all throughout the day!!

Trying to catch up!!

I am trying to catch up on everything that have let go while taking care of my sick children! Monkey came down with a virus about ten days ago and it really hit her hard. The other two did get sick but it only lasted a day or two for them... But we are on the mend and getting back to a normal routine just in time to go out of town!! LOL Having a routine while traveling is not exactly easy, maybe even pointless!! I am just thankful we are going to be able to attend Paige's graduation and head on up to the campground, which is always a blessing to say the least. I have been off the computer for basically two weeks and really miss communicating with all my friends and family. I did just want to put this up and will organize some pictures and get them on here too from the past couple of weeks.